Wild Woman

We  have lost touch with the essence of Wild Woman. Sure we hear the word, we hear it like a title said with the same air as the word Queen yet seperated from it’s inherent nobility.

 We see poems and inspiring literary depictions of it. We may even see flashes of it from time to time in the writhing heaving body of woman in sacred birth space, in the death and sorrowful outcry of a loved one or the purest hatred of a woman scorned. She has many wild faces.

We see it’s packaging but not it’s bloody raw guts,  not it’s  pulsing hot sex, nor it’s mountainous war cry which cuts the air like a blade and brings both sky and the armies of the mundane below it to it’s knees. Dramatic?! Yes…. but She is dramatic, she makes you uncomfortable. It’s her power.

Nowdays, wild woman is a brand, a fashion statement if you will, a means of attracting cash or notoriety. It’s empty and shallow. It’s the lost art of being free or at the very least unapologetic. It has become watered down, redused if you will to a good “fuck off” or face slap or less violently put a solid “No” without the need to explain why. Is this really our Wild Womans powerful legacy??? Surely not.

Wild Woman has always lived in the deeds. In the marriage between rage and impulse. In the unquenchable thirst for vengeance or victory. That restless thing that causes our feet to itch, our heart to race, adrenaline to surge and risks our manogamy causing us to rage against the stiffling social confines of normality.

The pages of history are littered with the examples of Wild Woman but our modern world… not so much.

Instead today we see the illusion of it, we see it’s  hollow shell. We see the tamed woman hiding behind a sea of plastic and pathetic excuses, tucked quietly there behind fear and layers of self sabotage, weakness and societal bounderies. Dying little by little in the should haves and the could haves that pulls at us in the stillness of the night. I belive they call that regret.

We see products aimed at our Wild Woman at hiding or minimising the very wrinkles that time has gifted woman for living this human experience and the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine. Each wrinkle and line the very proof that we haved indeed lived. We see lotions and balms and organic vegan time reversals aimed at concealing the very byproduct of life and it’s variouse stages. It’s sad.

We see a materialistic world hell bent on youth and youthful appearance rather than the noble honouring of woman through her many transitions.

A photo, costume or arse shaking video doesn’t a wild woman make. It’s in the deeds. It always had been.

Am I a wild woman? No, no I’m not. Why? Because I live here… behind these man made walls with the comfort of running water and a machine to keep me cool when its sweltering. I wash my cloths in a washing machine and sleep on a bed adorned in Egyptian cotton sheets.

But at night when my babies and husband sleep, I dream of her. I dream of the sacred wildness and that powerful capable presence I have often felt in times of instability. I call these my wild times.

I think of her often, I think of Bodicca great celtic warrior and chieftain. I think of the legendary Amazons who lopped off a bossom to improve their archery skills. I think of Oya who wields a sword and governs tempests; I think of Eleanor of Aquitaine both Dutchess and Countess who lived a life of adventure thus defying her age and era.

I see her, my wild woman as always living in the deeds. In the doing not the saying in both creation and destruction. She is the ghost that haunts me.

But! I did touch her whilst in Rio this March 2016. I felt her as I entered dangerous neighborhoods and pounded violent steets. I felt her in my awareness as I guarded my body and moved through a culture that has grown out of control.

I tasted her, it was like blood in my mouth as the woman that birthed me raged under the grip of her ugly mental illness.

I have felt her kindness or more so her fairness and I have felt her wrath. I have felt her during childbirth in the womb song that propelled my youngest daughter out into this world.

I know her, I know what feeds her. I know where she lives but am oftentimes fearful of going there because whenever I do, whenever I meet her face to face. A great many things change.

It’s a funny thing

My Wild Woman

“She hisses at me, wild and ferral.
Unbridled wickedness and cunning,
The bright spark of honor in her eye.

She stomps her mighty bare foot on the ground below and the impact awakens something boundless inside me.

She dances and sings and screams for an ecstatic existence,

She is my Wild Woman, my honor, lust, passion, sex, madness. My grand creatrix the muse of all muses.”

Avalon Cameron 

My Thought On Awakening Your Intuition

It’s all about your intuition.

I firmly believe that the moment you step into the space of mindful living where every experience serves to expand your consciousness thus broadening your phycho-spiritual horizon.  It’s at this time that we reach for a deeper understanding regarding the subject of your own intuitive gifts.

Now I am and have always been of the opinion that human beings are all gifted with am awesome amount of unbridled spiritual gifts.  However, not all are taught to work with such gifts and so these gifts grow tired of being ignored. They become under nourished and whither away. 

However contrary to popular consensus, these withered gifts are always ours to claim when and if we choose to claim them.

Sure, getting back on this seemingly new age saddle can be a touch daughting. However It’s by taking such a brave step that our world begins to open up to us showing the vast potential inherent in us all.

Of course this comes down to timing. And not all are ready nor might they ever be. But for thoes who are, the terrain before you can get rather sticky.

Que the barage of self help gurus that posses the ultimate answer in awakening our intuitive potential. Yep, sad but true. And vulnerable people fall for it each and everyday.

Now I get it, everyone has to make a living and if your one such individual that so happens to be in the “Intuition Awakening” business, then who the fuck am I to criticize you or your motives.

But if I may put my 2 scents in without causing too much of a stir then let me at it.

Firstly, as far as I know and I’m speaking on a soul level here. There can never be a one size fits all answer to your intuitive awakening woes. Just like there can never be one universal answer that drove you to suppress these precious latent talents gifted to you by source.

The trials, tribulations and trauma that can lead an individual to lock their skills in a box and throw away the key are wild and varied and they need to be addressed ethically and with compassion before any progress can be made in such an area.

It is for this reason that I strongly believe that there can not be a only one way or one size fits all approach. It has to be tailored to the individual. It must take into account his or her heart story and seek to honor that story through opened hearted active and supported listesing.  And not a, my 5 step plan this, my meditation that, my binaural activation this or by walking a mystical Labyrinth to activate the pineal glad that.

Truth is, the process of reconnecting is hard. It requires commitment and self motivation. It is not something that can or should be rushed because we need to “feel” it. It means more when we can feel the process as apposed to being a 3rd party observer simply going through the motions at the hands of someone who is using a “this is what worked for me” method

We need to wade through the proverbial “shit” to get to the good stuff. And that good stuff I speak of will look different to each and every individual brave enough to take a commited plunge.

But oh my GODS is it worth it. It’s so very worth it.  What comes of this type of work is priceless and the changes that occur are dazzling, wild and unbelievably exciting.

I hope this has given you something to think about. Even if but a moment.

Much love

Avalon ☆

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It’s all about your intuition.

I firmly believe that the moment you step into the space of mindful living where every experience serves to expand your consciousness thus broadening your phycho-spiritual horizon.  It’s at this time that we reach for a deeper understanding regarding the subject of your own intuitive gifts.

Now I am and have always been of the opinion that human beings are all gifted with am awesome amount of unbridled spiritual gifts.  However, not all are taught to work with such gifts and so these gifts grow tired of being ignored. They become under nourished and whither away. 

However contrary to popular consensus, these withered gifts are always ours to claim when and if we choose to claim them.

Sure, getting back on this seemingly new age saddle can be a touch daughting. However It’s by taking such a brave step that our world begins to open up to us showing the vast potential inherent in us all.

Of course this comes down to timing. And not all are ready nor might they ever be. But for thoes who are, the terrain before you can get rather sticky.

Que the barage of self help gurus that posses the ultimate answer in awakening our intuitive potential. Yep, sad but true. And vulnerable people fall for it each and everyday.

Now I get it, everyone has to make a living and if your one such individual that so happens to be in the “Intuition Awakening” business, then who the fuck am I to criticize you or your motives.

But if I may put my 2 scents in without causing too much of a stir then let me at it.

Firstly, as far as I know and I’m speaking on a soul level here. There can never be a one size fits all answer to your intuitive awakening woes. Just like there can never be one universal answer that drove you to suppress these precious latent talents gifted to you by source.

The trials, tribulations and trauma that can lead an individual to lock their skills in a box and throw away the key are wild and varied and they need to be addressed ethically and with compassion before any progress can be made in such an area.

It is for this reason that I strongly believe that there can not be a only one way or one size fits all approach. It has to be tailored to the individual. It must take into account his or her heart story and seek to honor that story through opened hearted active and supported listesing.  And not a, my 5 step plan this, my meditation that, my binaural activation this or by walking a mystical Labyrinth to activate the pineal glad that.

Truth is, the process of reconnecting is hard. It requires commitment and self motivation. It is not something that can or should be rushed because we need to “feel” it. It means more when we can feel the process as apposed to being a 3rd party observer simply going through the motions at the hands of someone who is using a “this is what worked for me” method

We need to wade through the proverbial “shit” to get to the good stuff. And that good stuff I speak of will look different to each and every individual brave enough to take a commited plunge.

But oh my GODS is it worth it. It’s so very worth it.  What comes of this type of work is priceless and the changes that occur are dazzling, wild and unbelievably exciting.

I hope this has given you something to think about. Even if but a moment.

Much love

Avalon ☆

It’s a Beloved Ritual

I’m often times asked why I do what I do when it comes to the way that I treat my cards. You see, truth be told my cards are anything and everything BUT cards.

It’s a choice you see, it’s a view, it’s a solid understanding of something that is rather unapparent to other people. My cards, those many decks of Tarot, Oracle, Lenormand or fortune telling loveliness are to me…. magic.

They needn’t to be magic to you but they are a splendid magic to me. The relationship that I have with my cards is one of trust, of exploration, of knowing. It’s the type of friendship that I cultivate with each and every one of my decks that make them so rich in magic.

I can honestly say that I could not for a second imagine my days as a witch, my life as a witch without my sacred tools and that statement must extends beyond my cards to all my tools.  Each on more beautiful then the other, unique yet perfect in everyway.

Now as a pagan witch I must confess to being deeply drawn to ritual. Many of us who practice the craft are. Ritual is paramount in my practice, it keeps be balanced. I feel ill at ease if I have not engaged in ritual for a period of time. There are…. side effects.

Now when I look at ritual through both a modern and or ancient lens,  there seems to be this common misconception and that is that ritual must be almost ceremonial.

It is as though thoes who wish to practice ritual must forever be coming up with elaborate convoluted ceremonies that take weeks if not months to prepare and that must be executed in a rigid precise fashion.

This view of ritual could not be further from my personal truth. I like ritual to be simple, to be clear and to be concise. I find too much can complicate thus hindering the process and perhaps even severing  the connection I’m wishing to make with the divine.

Which is  why I choose to keep things simple.

To cleanse I use sage sometimes garden variety sometimes white sage. I’m also very partial to Paulo Santo when it has been ethically sourced. The scent of Holy Wood immediately puts my mind in the right place and helps to assist the alignment of mind, body and Spirit.

If I happen to have extra time on my hands then I don’t mind at all whipping up a very specific blend for smoking. I feel that any element of hand craft adds substantially to the process as a whole.

I make sure I have all four elements present. I find great comfort working with the cardinal elements. I have found that they add tremendously to the process and I have adored working with them all these years.

I also like silk, use it to cover my working surface. Silk is natural, beautiful, it feels luxurious  under my fingertips and it appeals to the side of me that covets  material extravagance.  Silk is  also a natural product  (to a degree) and therefore fits in well with my idea of a more natural ritual as well as ideal ritual components.

Next comes the music, this too I like to be simple. I tend to lean towards Tibetan meditation bowl music and any vibrational chakra activating sounds. I particularly enjoy sounds that activate my third eye during the process of ritual. I find listening to such sounds to be very rewarding.

If I’m cleansing and consecrating a new or used deck, then I most often then not have a particular stone to pair with each deck.

Next come the words. These are often spoken from the heart. I may at times repeat phrases that I have used in the past which still appeal to me and then again I may make something new up entirely.

I also rather like quoting poetry. I have a fondness for Keats and Whitman. So if I’m fortunate enough to find a phrase that I feel fits in well within the context of my ritual, the deck that I’m working with and what influences I wish to stir within those said deck. Then I shall reach for  the pages of poetic classics, because thats what floats my boat.

This to me is the mark of a simple ritual. It may not look simple to you personally but for me it is absolutely perfect and sublimely simple in a way that keeps me coming back time and time again.

You see, ritual should be what you like. Ritual should involve those ingredients that really call to you, that releases a song that makes you feel strong, brave, more beautiful more powerful, centered, whatever emotion you which step into really.

The natural and various facets of ritual connect us with archetypal forces that surge within us each and every day. It provides a stage for which these archetypes may be utilized. It is for this and many other reasons that I adore ritual.

As for my favorite ritual, well that would have to be a deck cleanse or full moon charging ritual.

I do love a great and elaborate ritual for a sabbath. But simple to  me is priceless and is also certain to keep me coming back for that ritual fix.

Blessings and happy ritual xo

The Vine Cave

I have always been the type of reader that chooses her decks based on the energies at play and environment that I am immersed in at the time of a reading. 

Now this can make for some interesting reading experiences.  Particularly when you,  like me,  enjoy taking a deck or 3 around with you whenever you go.

One such experience went a little like this…..

I was off the grid, yep… I’d set up camp in a little national park in NSW Australia. Nestled in a little forest by a gorgeous beach called Point Plomer. The surf was good, the campsite packed to the nines and the weather was pretty damn accommodating. 

With all that said, the witch in me really delighted in the Vine Cave that we so happened to camp by. It was AWESOME! A thick tumble of knotted thorny vines arching majestically over a sandy path that stood between our cosy campsite.

It was one of thoes tasty natural mumma Gaia wonders  that might have just been wasted on thoes with a muggles perspective. But for thoes with that ever aware witches heart. It was a place that screamed Akashic PowerPoint and how stoked was I to have landed right next to it.

So each and every day I was there I woukd gaze at, walk through or meditate in that gorgeous and oh so magicsl vine cave. And naturally, while the fire was being lit and the wine poured I thought “Which deck wants to come out and play?”

The Goddess answered with: Wild Unknown, Sacred Rebels and Druidcraft. And sweet goddess did each deck deliver.

I needed my messages and wisdom layered, multifaceted and patient yet to the point. None of this hard and fast bizo. I needed soulful and I got it.

First with the Wild Unknown. I haven’t worked much worth this deck.  I have found that due to the current Wild Unknown craze and the over saturation of its images.  Connecting with this deck hasn’t been easy.  Basically because I just haven’t been in the mood. It was precisely this reason that I choose this deck to being away with me. And I am veru glad I did.

I get it now,I fet the mega hype and yet still found a way through it to the soulful core of this deck.

The next deck the vine cave choose was the Sacred Rebels. Now talk about a deck that be overly talked up. I find that this deck delivers %50 of the time and I think that that is the result of it copping the uber spiritual sacred feminine hype. Personally I think this deck rocks,it can be a little fuffy but all in all it gives a solid read. So, when I gazed over at that vine cave it screamed “hit me with them bitched” so I did and it fucking rocked!

Then last but by no means least came ye old faithful…. Druidcraft.

Now there’s a solid all rounder. It is reliable too the core and detached from all that Tarot hype that can cause a frenzy. And Goddess knows I love a good hype and a good frenzy. I’ve even been known to incite a bit of both. But I digress…

So my point, if I can manage to remember it. Is that I LOVE…. really, really love the organic way in which our many decks can be urged out of their hiddy holes by the natural environment (and or features therein) around us.

Now thoes whom own or care for multiple decks might be very well aware of this. But for thoes who oftentimes questions the so called outrageous number of decks in my collection…. this one’s for you!

Blessings ~ Avalon ☆

Creative Partnerships & Witchcraft

I recently caught a video made by Athena the Sage Goddess who spoke of Soul Mates and Twin Flames. Up until that point, I must confess to never having heard of an individual having more then one Soul Mate. Up until that point the term Soul Mate meant something very specific, it meant your one true love, your souls counter point in another. So When I heard the Sage Goddess talk of individuals having more then one soul mate I was genuinely surprised at how deeply that resonated and and how much sense it made. So just like that, that old school thinking simply… fell away.

Fast forward to 11am today the 22/11/2015. I had a car boot packed with Witchcraft. I had books, incense, Tarot decks, candles, censers and athames etc and I was heading to my beautiful friends house to make magick. Our task, a book, specifically a handbook on the craft for our community and the majority of the items I had in my card boot was her’s, left over from our recent Beltane Ritual lol.

Eight hours, 2 cups of coffee and 1 beer later, we had done the seemingly impossible. We had written a bloody book. It was detailed, creative, well referenced and choc full of awesome witchcraft. I was absolutely startled that we managed to achieve what we had in just 8 hours while my youngest daughter who is now eight months old refused to sleep.

It was good work, creative work, worthy work. The kind of work that you sit back and gaze at through proud and almost disbelieving eyes and as I pondered that good work it struck me. Each and every time I get together with my beautiful friend, we move proverbial mountains. It is really quite remarkable. The kind of things we have achieved in our local Pagan community has been outstanding to say the very least. Our efforts have landed us in the News Paper and on Radio doing what we love and that is to spread beautiful positive and inspiring information on Witchcraft and Paganism.

We often joke that when we get together things just happen, they really happen. Our joint ideas manifest in such a natural and spontaneous way that the results are pretty damn impossible to deny. Yep! she is my creative soul mate which sounds weird I know but it also happens to be true. It was a strange thought at first, but then, it just seemed to fit

And now, I embrace the concept of multiple Soul Mates and understand that they are deeply necessary connections that we share that create positive and magical change in our lives and the lives of those around us. They are the fan to the flame so to speak and help to keep our energy high and bright and always moving. This type of connection is like Soul Medicine and I find it vital to my spiritual evolution not to mention the expansion of my sphere of consciousness.

So I am thankful to The Sage Goddess for shinning a light on this new (to me) wisdom and assisting me to change my perspective the way I have. I  love it when I grow and my mind expands and my sincerest thanks must go out to anyone who has knowingly or inadvertently helped my mind to expand just that little bit more over time.

Here’s to our many Soul Mates and the co-creative partnerships they may bring.

Much love and many blessing

Avalon xo

The Spiritual Side Effects of a Food Cleanse

So WOW! I mean WOW, WOW, WOW!!! Who would have thought that when I made the decision to clean up my act on a physical level ie. health and fitness that the side effects would be so freaking amazing!

So here’s a tiny bit of back story, I made a pack with myself to change my habits a while back. I made this pack with myself in an attempt to get my “house in order” so to speak. This decision/pack has led me down a foreign path of gyms, green smoothies, eating plans and a whole lot more.

I have completed a week +3 days and I have got to say that I feel pretty damn amazing. Now on top of this amazing feeling comes a full on sense of activation in a psycho-spiritual sense. I realize that by making such changes as I have mentioned above, that my vibration would lift. Of course it would! BUT! The level in which things have jumped/spiked/peaked is really quite remarkable. Here, let me give you a few  example.

1. I have met a new Spirit Guide, a feminine spirit, gentle, wise and very loving. She presented herself to me a few nights ago straight after I finished doing a client reading. I connected with her again tonight on the night of the New Moon in Scorpio. She is close and vivid in her presence.
2. Then there were the flashes and flickers during client readings where animals were/are making their presence known to me in the middle of client readings. And these magical creatures have no part in the reading per say, but they do seem to have a genuine connection to the client in some unique and oftentimes obscure way.
3. I am seeing things in HD! Yep that right, I was always pretty damn good a really seeing through people, opportunities ect. But this is something different, I feel that in the moment, I can step back and achieve the kind of objective foresight that one is usually gifted in a more retrospective fashion. Its like I’m able to attain hindsight in the here and now.
4. And the last is one that I never thought I would find myself saying…. The downloads! OMG! first of all, I really don’t like the term “downloads” but in this instance, I shall put that aside and focus on the crux of the matter. So yes, the downloads are coming strong and fast and they are filling my mind with quick bursts of inspirations, thoughts, displaced wisdom and new perspectives.
5. Then just today, I go in to town to pick up my Rumi Oracle and a magical crystal catches my eye, I end up buying a piece of it because the physical response I had while held this stone in my hand was AWESOME!

The whole thing has been blowing my mind! Right now as I am typing there is all sorts of magic floating around me and NO folks before you jump to dietary conclusions, let me clear a few things up so we can all together remove them from the equations. I’m not hungry, I’m not dieting I’m eating more then ever, I’m eating clean, I’ve given up sugar and alcohol during this process and am eating a beautifully balanced diet devoid of processed anything! And I have got to tell you that if these are the side effects after just one week WHOA! look out because I may need to make a lifestyle change!

Wish me luck folks as I continue on my path of self improvement xo

Sacred Selfishness

Jungian analyst Bud Harris, there is one kind of selfishness that can actually help people value themselves and their lives “enough to pursue the decision to become people of substance”; he calls it “sacred selfishness.”

It’s an odd truth that when we hear the words “Selfish” it immediately carries this negative connotation that resonates to the same frequency as any other common day insult. In fact, from what I have personally observed, people have a tendency to spit out the word selfish as though it were a bad taste in their mouth. But what if the word selfish was sacred? What if it meant a deeply dependable person who goes out of their way to help others, to hold safe space for venting and emotional support  all on a regular basis? Does that not sound like a Selfless individual?

Now what if this same Selfless individual finds themselves depleted, worn out and exhausted to the bone. What if life got on top of them, just like it can do for anyone else and what if they need a time out, what if they need space and time to breath freely and unencumbered, a holiday if you will, to really ground, center and recharge.

Now lets say they honor that need and close they’re proverbial “open door” so that they may draw in there energy and cocoon themselves. This is what it means to be sacredly selfish, this is what it means to recognize the needs of both mind, body and spirit and to put yourself first so that you may be the best version of yourself. Is this not what we do in every other facet of our lives? Yet from one week to the next and through a process of self honoring that very same individual find themselves the target of words like “selfish”, self centered” or self involved.

It seems a travesty to me in this our modern world, that we as conscious individuals who choose to walk a more spiritually aware path can’t seem to get our heads out of those prehistoric and outdated modes of thinking and acting. Just like all other facets of our human existence our attitudes too need to be bought into some kind of suitable balance. The person that consistently gives must also know when to hold back. This is a way to really connect with and honor our own personal seasons.

And those that simply don’t understand your needs, that choose to push harder and harder against their own flow, well they my dears are locked in a cyclical dance of destruction and sabotage that will only change when they wise up. In other words, you needn’t feel any obligations to help those that do not want to help themselves.

Sacred selfishness is the right of many who choose to walk the path of healer in this incarnations. These are most often then not those people in our lives that have no formal title yet command a great deal of respect because what they can do is personal, is ground level and successful in a deeply spiritual and gorgeously nurturing way. It makes a difference in the lives of many because they’re kindness is far reaching and therefore capable of touching more people who will eventually and in one way or another, perpetuate that magical kindess. So if you know someone like this and you feel as though they are pulling away from you, remember that they our doing what they need for themselves and if this triggers you, if it makes you feel unwanted or cut off and left out, then a little self examination might do you the world of good.

Blessings Avalon, The Selfish Bitch xo

The Day I Met The Dark Mother

From the Mermaids Oracle by Lucy Cavendish, Artwork by Selina Finech.

I have never really tangoed, so to speak, with what many pagans call the dark mother. To me she sounds so ominous, unpredictable, and unnecessarily “too much”. In short, she is the stuff that many a nightmare is made of. At least I thought she was. Fast forward quite a few years and my perspective on this subject, the subject of the dark, foreboding, fearful and freaky aspect of the feminine divine has now been gut wrenchingly twisted on it’s head.

From this my new and ever so slightly informed perspective, I feel her…. I really feel her which in turn dismisses in one fowl swoop those time before now that I thought I felt her. Yes, I feel here but more then that I see her all around me, through open or closed eyes, she is everywhere. At first, the dark mother revealed herself to me through roaring cascade of tears that seemed to go forever and through an erratic beating heart that pounded desperately in my throat and lets not even talk about the deep and churning sense of knowing the griped agonized the very pit of my stomach.

And now, as a result, I can almost taste the change that is slowly and painfully occurring in the deepest darkest recesses of my soul.  I taste it’s futile resistance, its misplaced fear, its desire to escape. It fills my mind so much as times that all I want to do is cover my ears with the imagined safety of may own shaking hands so that I may keep my head from feeling as though it will burst from sheer pressure.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit, this all sounds dreadfully and horribly dramatic. It sounds that way, because it is. This is no small thing, this is not a bad mood or a bad week for that matter. This is not sadness in its common form, this is something entirely different, in fact I’d go as far as to say that this is the staff that real, unbridled, authentic change is made from.

The Dark Queen by Fabio Rivoli

All that aside, the dark mother made her presence known to me today, in a moment where I dared uttered the words… “I am broken”. No sooner had I parted my lips to whisper these painful words and my mouth filled with a sharp blood like metallic taste and I felt that heavy yet welcome hand on my shoulder. But more then that, I felt that there was a place for me, a lesson for me and a powerful enduring force that understood my darkness like no one before her ever did and no one after her ever would.

And there, in that moment ever locked away in a powerful memory, she, in her divine sacred way showed me something extremely valuable, something that I needed to release so that I could grow beyond my comfort level. She showed me, that I have a very nasty habit of dealing my my troubles and their associated emotions as though I were a man and not like the divine sacred priestess that. This fundamental truth has never before found its way into my sphere of consciousness. As soon as I saw it, and understood, I mean really understood. I was then able to see the effects of this newly uncovered issue and they were far reaching, but then again, aren’t all our shadows.

For too long I had mocked those women who cried, who showed what I now understand to be a healthy emotional response to their stresses, worries or concerns. I saw these outward burst of emotion as a sign of weakness. I saw it as embarrassing and unnecessary. I felt ashamed to cry in front of another and I had next to no reason for that feeling.

When I finally let go, FUCK! my poor eyes! Oh how they  burned, how they ached as I blinked the pain away as though that was something that was possible to do. It was horrible yet so unbelievably essential to my evolution in that moment. In letting go, I found a piece of myself, and as I reached out and touched the hand of the dark mother, I let go more and more of this male construct that I had for some reason allowed to dictate my emotional responses.

I felt bare, light even. I felt without in the best way possible. And the more I reached outwards the dark mother, the more she lead me to that place where I had hidden all of these beautiful and important fragments of my authentic self. The more I let go, trusted and ultimately owned what I was feeling in its entirety, the more I began to come alive.

It is so true that in the darkness we find ourselves.

Blessings, Avalon

Tired and in need of change

Lately I have grown tired, not just your average everyday tired but a kind of fatigue that effects the soul, in this case my soul. This feeling is foreign to me and as such troubling. As I sit to ponder, where, when and how this feeling of “tired” may have been birthed, I’m met with the terrifying but likely truth that I may just have pushed myself too far.

My body, is sacred, yet I have treated it unjustly. Pumping it with “crap” for that easy “quick fix” or “”feel good” experience, all the while compromising its health. My voice is sacred, yet I choose to stifle it when I shouldn’t. I cage the beast that dwells within my vocal cords and as a result, it rages, thrashes like a caught fish in the back of my throat. My choice is sacred, yet I make them to please others, not to honor my authentic self, I come last always putting others before myself and am left with very little by doing so. My dreams are sacred yet, I choose to assist others with their dream and hold back my own. And these “other” they do absolutely nothing with that assistance never realizing that they are taking more then just words, they are taking, time, passion and soul and that that, leaves me, without. This is not an honorable or respectful exchange. It is unhealthy and lopsided and I would be foolish to perpetuates this customs.

As I look back at these various realizations, these “hidden truths” I am forced to come to the conclusion that I have not honored myself of late and this simple truth has got to change… immediately.

So now begins the purge. I shall shift and shake and twist and turn until I have remolded myself into someone who is tired no more.

Yours sincerely,

Tired