Sacred Selfishness

Jungian analyst Bud Harris, there is one kind of selfishness that can actually help people value themselves and their lives “enough to pursue the decision to become people of substance”; he calls it “sacred selfishness.”

It’s an odd truth that when we hear the words “Selfish” it immediately carries this negative connotation that resonates to the same frequency as any other common day insult. In fact, from what I have personally observed, people have a tendency to spit out the word selfish as though it were a bad taste in their mouth. But what if the word selfish was sacred? What if it meant a deeply dependable person who goes out of their way to help others, to hold safe space for venting and emotional support  all on a regular basis? Does that not sound like a Selfless individual?

Now what if this same Selfless individual finds themselves depleted, worn out and exhausted to the bone. What if life got on top of them, just like it can do for anyone else and what if they need a time out, what if they need space and time to breath freely and unencumbered, a holiday if you will, to really ground, center and recharge.Selfish

Now lets say they honor that need and close they’re proverbial “open door” so that they may draw in there energy and cocoon themselves. This is what it means to be sacredly selfish, this is what it means to recognize the needs of both mind, body and spirit and to put yourself first so that you may be the best version of yourself. Is this not what we do in every other facet of our lives? Yet from one week to the next and through a process of self honoring that very same individual find themselves the target of words like “selfish”, self centered” or self involved.

It seems a travesty to me in this our modern world, that we as conscious individuals who choose to walk a more spiritually aware path can’t seem to get our heads out of those prehistoric and outdated modes of thinking and acting. Just like all other facets of our human existence our attitudes too need to be bought into some kind of suitable balance. The person that consistently gives must also know when to hold back. This is a way to really connect with and honor our own personal seasons.

And those that simply don’t understand your needs, that choose to push harder and harder against their own flow, well they my dears are locked in a cyclical dance of destruction and sabotage that will only change when they wise up. In other words, you needn’t feel any obligations to help those that do not want to help themselves.

Sacred selfishness is the right of many who choose to walk the path of healer in this incarnations. These are most often then not those people in our lives that have no formal title yet command a great deal of respect because what they can do is personal, is ground level and successful in a deeply spiritual and gorgeously nurturing way. It makes a difference in the lives of many because they’re kindness is far reaching and therefore capable of touching more people who will eventually and in one way or another, perpetuate that magical kindess. So if you know someone like this and you feel as though they are pulling away from you, remember that they our doing what they need for themselves and if this triggers you, if it makes you feel unwanted or cut off and left out, then a little self examination might do you the world of good.

Blessings Avalon, The Selfish Bitch xo


The Day I Met The Dark Mother

The Unseen

From the Mermaids Oracle by Lucy Cavendish, Artwork by Selina Finech.

I have never really tangoed, so to speak, with what many pagans call the dark mother. To me she sounds so ominous, unpredictable, and unnecessarily “too much”. In short, she is the stuff that many a nightmare is made of. At least I thought she was. Fast forward quite a few years and my perspective on this subject, the subject of the dark, foreboding, fearful and freaky aspect of the feminine divine has now been gut wrenchingly twisted on it’s head.

From this my new and ever so slightly informed perspective, I feel her…. I really feel her which in turn dismisses in one fowl swoop those time before now that I thought I felt her. Yes, I feel here but more then that I see her all around me, through open or closed eyes, she is everywhere. At first, the dark mother revealed herself to me through roaring cascade of tears that seemed to go forever and through an erratic beating heart that pounded desperately in my throat and lets not even talk about the deep and churning sense of knowing the griped agonized the very pit of my stomach.

And now, as a result, I can almost taste the change that is slowly and painfully occurring in the deepest darkest recesses of my soul.  I taste it’s futile resistance, its misplaced fear, its desire to escape. It fills my mind so much as times that all I want to do is cover my ears with the imagined safety of may own shaking hands so that I may keep my head from feeling as though it will burst from sheer pressure.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit, this all sounds dreadfully and horribly dramatic. It sounds that way, because it is. This is no small thing, this is not a bad mood or a bad week for that matter. This is not sadness in its common form, this is something entirely different, in fact I’d go as far as to say that this is the staff that real, unbridled, authentic change is made from.

Tarot of the Devine Feminine

The Dark Queen by Fabio Rivoli

All that aside, the dark mother made her presence known to me today, in a moment where I dared uttered the words… “I am broken”. No sooner had I parted my lips to whisper these painful words and my mouth filled with a sharp blood like metallic taste and I felt that heavy yet welcome hand on my shoulder. But more then that, I felt that there was a place for me, a lesson for me and a powerful enduring force that understood my darkness like no one before her ever did and no one after her ever would.

And there, in that moment ever locked away in a powerful memory, she, in her divine sacred way showed me something extremely valuable, something that I needed to release so that I could grow beyond my comfort level. She showed me, that I have a very nasty habit of dealing my my troubles and their associated emotions as though I were a man and not like the divine sacred priestess that. This fundamental truth has never before found its way into my sphere of consciousness. As soon as I saw it, and understood, I mean really understood. I was then able to see the effects of this newly uncovered issue and they were far reaching, but then again, aren’t all our shadows.

For too long I had mocked those women who cried, who showed what I now understand to be a healthy emotional response to their stresses, worries or concerns. I saw these outward burst of emotion as a sign of weakness. I saw it as embarrassing and unnecessary. I felt ashamed to cry in front of another and I had next to no reason for that feeling.

When I finally let go, FUCK! my poor eyes! Oh how they  burned, how they ached as I blinked the pain away as though that was something that was possible to do. It was horrible yet so unbelievably essential to my evolution in that moment. In letting go, I found a piece of myself, and as I reached out and touched the hand of the dark mother, I let go more and more of this male construct that I had for some reason allowed to dictate my emotional responses.

I felt bare, light even. I felt without in the best way possible. And the more I reached outwards the dark mother, the more she lead me to that place where I had hidden all of these beautiful and important fragments of my authentic self. The more I let go, trusted and ultimately owned what I was feeling in its entirety, the more I began to come alive.

It is so true that in the darkness we find ourselves.

Blessings, Avalon

Tired and in need of change

Lately I have grown tired, not just your average everyday tired but a kind of fatigue that effects the soul, in this case my soul. This feeling is foreign to me and as such troubling. As I sit to ponder, where, when and how this feeling of “tired” may have been birthed, I’m met with the terrifying but likely truth that I may just have pushed myself too far.

My body, is sacred, yet I have treated it unjustly. Pumping it with “crap” for that easy “quick fix” or “”feel good” experience, all the while compromising its health. My voice is sacred, yet I choose to stifle it when I shouldn’t. I cage the beast that dwells within my vocal cords and as a result, it rages, thrashes like a caught fish in the back of my throat. My choice is sacred, yet I make them to please others, not to honor my authentic self, I come last always putting others before myself and am left with very little by doing so. My dreams are sacred yet, I choose to assist others with their dream and hold back my own. And these “other” they do absolutely nothing with that assistance never realizing that they are taking more then just words, they are taking, time, passion and soul and that that, leaves me, without. This is not an honorable or respectful exchange. It is unhealthy and lopsided and I would be foolish to perpetuates this customs.

As I look back at these various realizations, these “hidden truths” I am forced to come to the conclusion that I have not honored myself of late and this simple truth has got to change… immediately.

So now begins the purge. I shall shift and shake and twist and turn until I have remolded myself into someone who is tired no more.

Yours sincerely,


My Autumn Equinox 2015

I have just finished decorating my seasonal altar which was a little tricky with such a big preggy belly. So I’ve kept it simple this year and quite like the way it turned out.

My favorite of symbolism’s during this time is the cauldron, which as you can see is the centerpiece of my altar the cauldron to me is goddess, it’s transformation, its going deep within and self nurturing. The cauldron is inspiration and magic, its witchcraft and beauty it is womb and birth, it is love.

I just LOVE this time of the year and am having a wonderful time connecting with butterfly and moth energy at present. They have been bold with their interactions and abundant in their numbers.

The weather is beginning to change and cool and although this little fact occurs rather subtly, if you tune in carefully you can really feel it. It brings a smile to my face and a peacefulness to my sleep that is greatly appreciated after such a scorching summer.

Yes, autumn is here and I am loving it.

Much love and many blessings xoxoxoxo

mabon mabon2 mabon 3 mabon 4 mabon 5 mabon 6 mabon 7 mabon 8

Riddle Fisher

Welcome to my new refurbished blog!

I woke up this morning and felt possessed by and urge to shake things up a bit. I have tried blogging before and I thoroughly enjoy writing, although I seldom have the time these days. Nevertheless, I was stuck with inspiration and decided there and then to just ride the wave and see where it took me. Well, as you can plainly see, the wave of inspiration brought me here, to this space with an idea to begin a new style blog.

I knew I needed a name, so I began searching for inspiration all over my house until finally the smallest of my bookcases asked for my attention. There on the shelf I found the Companion book to the “Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle”. Clearly it had been misplaced as it was far away from the Oracle deck itself which was an almost unheard of occurrence. So naturally I took it as a sign and begin carefully turning the pages, part reading part feeling my way to the answer and then there it was on page 44 card number 3, Riddle Fisher.   

The key words associated to card number 3 Riddle Fisher were Divination, Seeking Out and Finding Answers. PERFECT! I thought, this is precisely the theme I would like to channel for my new blog. Firstly, I LOVE Divination (who doesn’t right?!) It is without a doubt one of the most interesting and alluring practices within the Craft. I have loved it since I was little, I have observed with a great deal of reverence, as my peers practice all sorts of Divinatory skills and each and every time I was stuck by wonder and awe. 

And then of course there is the aspect of seeking out and find answers which is basically intrinsic to my everyday life. I’m curious, slightly opinionated and extremely interested in bouncing ideas of like minded people. And I like to share, in fact I thinks its both fair and accurate to say that I am a “Grand Sharer” I share on my You Tube Channel Avalon’s Spiritual Odyssey. I share on multiple Facebook Pages such as Avalon’s Apothecary and The Elemental Witch. I’m SUPER active in my Pagan Community and Co-Run the Pagan Spiral with my beautiful Anam Cara Willow.  Then of course my Etsy shop also named Avalon’s Apothecary, then Instagram, Twitter blah, blah, blah. I mean, I’m out there folks, just sharing, all the time, everyday. This is the way I personally seek out and find answers, Its how I actively interact with others both in person and on social media. It’s how I obtain a decent amount of material to ponder and question, its not the only way but it is one of the main ways. So Riddle Fisher seemed more then just appropriate 🙂 And I felt as though I had been divinely guided to the name
Fey And just like that my Riddle Fisher new blog was born, smack bang in the middle of my 36th week of pregnancy with my 3rd little one I might add. And whilst I’m riding a nasty cold which of course I can do very little about while being 36 weeks pregnant lol. Perhaps the universe it telling me to blog as a way to release. 

So Welcome to Riddle Fisher, I do so hope that you enjoy what I have to say 🙂



Know Your Fear



Firstly I would just like to say that this blog post was inspired by a daily draw I did just this week. And since it really got me thinking about both the subject matter and the synchronic nature of this cards timely appearance. I thought I would post this here and elaborate just a tiny bit on what I had originally written.

It’s funny how things work, last night at our private Druid study gathering we discussed this very topic, so I’ll share a little gained knowledge with you all.

Shadow, is for most of us a real thing and we are either constantly at odds with our shadow, suppressing it while it brings fear and limitations into our lives. Or we are the type that actively works with it, trying what we can to integrate it as best possible so that it does not become the beast we often fear it to be.

Shadow work is no easy feat, it can be a complex and time-consuming affair to say the least. Starting this type of spiritual healing work can often be daunting and so we inadvertently postpone a lot of the time.

Know Your Fears is a very real and extremely helpful message/prompt. Why? because some fear is there for very good reason, to keep us and our loved ones safe. Other fears are born of shadow and given life by the fear we feed it. It id precisely this type of fear that we should take a closer look at in an attempt to understand the root and or point of origin.

Now for those of you at this very moment cringing at the thought of facing your shadows through a misguided view that you are weak, broken or less than, Understanding this fundamental truth will assist you. It is important to remember that no one is without a shadow or two. We all have a wound and often it’s through that very wound that we realize our purpose and truly unleash our power.

Oracle Tip : Look to the sagas and through it at the expansive world of deity and the mythological kingdom they now occupy. Their wounds Messanger Oracleare, if you put them side by side rather blatant. Adam’s rib, Achilles heel, Odin’s eye, Inanna’s torture, Persephone’s rape, Jesus’s crucifixion. The list is endless really and the same could be said about Hollywood Finest (and I use the term loosely) and indeed all those revered in our modern ear.

Look at Malala Yousafzai winner of the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize, or Stephen Hawking a world-famous theoretical physicist, cosmologist, author. Lance Armstrong Great Cycling Cheat who was for a long time revered in the competitive world of cycling. Or Brittney Spears and her charmed life which ultimately lead to a very public breakdown. I see this type of thing around me all or the time and it just goes to show that we all have shit to deal with and that no one is without issues.

Now if you take a closer look at this from both an anthropological, historical and also spiritual perspective, then the following seems rather fitting. “The fact is, that most traditional initiation ceremonies involve some sort of wounding , symbolic or actual, and the fact that mythology is full of stories about sacred wounding suggest an acknowledgement of wounding is essential for our maturity and spiritual development.” OBOD Bardic Grade, Gwers fourteen.

I feel personally that the emphasis theses days exist so much in the area of healing, in the tucking away and forgetting and less in the honouring and or integration process. We are often taught to feel fear, pain, or shame at the thought of our wounds that rarely do we remember to honour these chasms in our soul. I think that as we live in a cosmos of duality, learning to honour and make peace with our shadow is essential for us to then get on with our lives.

Much love and many blessings ~ Avalon ☆

Are You are Tarot Snob?

I hate to say this…… I mean, I reeaaaaly hate to say this but a fleeting thought crossed my mind the other day as I responded to a friends You Tube Video regarding their “Top 13 Decks for the Season”. I had written as part of that comment, “Its a lovely deck, but I just don’t do Lo Sacrebeo Decks”.

Photo by Avalon Cameron

Photo by Avalon Cameron

Fast forward to that afternoon and without realizing the patter of continuation, I wrote on the Tarot professionals Facebook forum, “Does anyone get as upset as I do with bad card stock” and that my friends, opened up a plethora of responses that made me realize that I was in actual fact a bit of a Tarot Snob.

Horrified by my demonstrably prejudice attitude towards, certain decks, certain publishing companies and certain artists works. I attempted to rationalize…. ie. make excuses, the first of which was “Well, I’m a Taurus, I like quality, that’s important to me, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a quality product that will stand the test of time”. There were others, but I think you get the picture.

Feeling momentarily appeased, I continued my day with little more thought on the matter. Until late that evening, where in typical fashion, all my chickens came home to roost, also known less dramatically as “My evening Appraisal”. There I lay, iPad in one hand reviewing a few tarot blogs etc and I kept encountering new enthusiastic deck creators and budding authors. Individuals that were genuinely excited about their mission to create something for the Tarot community. This made me think back to the various decks that I had brazenly ruled out, the various companies that pissed me off due to things like crappy card stock etc and I started getting that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

You see, as I pondered I realized that each one of the decks that I had turned my nose up at, that I had completely crossed off my list due to my “search for a quality product” did in actual fact begin with one such enthusiastic artist, a gifted individual with the desire to create something lasting for the Tarot community I was a part of.  So….. “who the hell did I think I was dissing their efforts”? Sure, things like card stock might be a result of a cheaper publishing process, but by completely disregarding said product all together because I feel I have “High Standards” just really made me feel like a bit elitists.

So, I thought that on my next deck buying opportunity, I would open myself up to decks that I might have liked in the past but refused to purchase due to one of my ridicules reasons, because at the end of the day, our artist need us to be fair, they need our support, they do an amazing job at creating decks that suits all tastes and that’s a very noble thing in the tarot world. And they deserve appreciation and understanding, not our holier-then-thou attitudes.

At the end of the day, I am a tarot professional reader and a tarot collector, I will probably end up acquiring decks that are specifically for collecting purposes and that won’t be handled much at all. So things like card stock, publishing house etc mean very little in the grand scheme of things.

Just something to think about 🙂

Much love and many Tarot blessings, Avalon xo