Jungian analyst Bud Harris, there is one kind of selfishness that can actually help people value themselves and their lives “enough to pursue the decision to become people of substance”; he calls it “sacred selfishness.”
It’s an odd truth that when we hear the words “Selfish” it immediately carries this negative connotation that resonates to the same frequency as any other common day insult. In fact, from what I have personally observed, people have a tendency to spit out the word selfish as though it were a bad taste in their mouth. But what if the word selfish was sacred? What if it meant a deeply dependable person who goes out of their way to help others, to hold safe space for venting and emotional support all on a regular basis? Does that not sound like a Selfless individual?
Now what if this same Selfless individual finds themselves depleted, worn out and exhausted to the bone. What if life got on top of them, just like it can do for anyone else and what if they need a time out, what if they need space and time to breath freely and unencumbered, a holiday if you will, to really ground, center and recharge.
Now lets say they honor that need and close they’re proverbial “open door” so that they may draw in there energy and cocoon themselves. This is what it means to be sacredly selfish, this is what it means to recognize the needs of both mind, body and spirit and to put yourself first so that you may be the best version of yourself. Is this not what we do in every other facet of our lives? Yet from one week to the next and through a process of self honoring that very same individual find themselves the target of words like “selfish”, self centered” or self involved.
It seems a travesty to me in this our modern world, that we as conscious individuals who choose to walk a more spiritually aware path can’t seem to get our heads out of those prehistoric and outdated modes of thinking and acting. Just like all other facets of our human existence our attitudes too need to be bought into some kind of suitable balance. The person that consistently gives must also know when to hold back. This is a way to really connect with and honor our own personal seasons.
And those that simply don’t understand your needs, that choose to push harder and harder against their own flow, well they my dears are locked in a cyclical dance of destruction and sabotage that will only change when they wise up. In other words, you needn’t feel any obligations to help those that do not want to help themselves.
Sacred selfishness is the right of many who choose to walk the path of healer in this incarnations. These are most often then not those people in our lives that have no formal title yet command a great deal of respect because what they can do is personal, is ground level and successful in a deeply spiritual and gorgeously nurturing way. It makes a difference in the lives of many because they’re kindness is far reaching and therefore capable of touching more people who will eventually and in one way or another, perpetuate that magical kindess. So if you know someone like this and you feel as though they are pulling away from you, remember that they our doing what they need for themselves and if this triggers you, if it makes you feel unwanted or cut off and left out, then a little self examination might do you the world of good.
Blessings Avalon, The Selfish Bitch xo